Owing to Mrs. Faulkner’s unfortunate but conspicuous absence during the New Forest Show, it is with a heavy heart and some reluctance that Lt. Col. Armitage Shanks (Retd). has been appointed to file the following report. On a positive note, his fees are more reasonable by far. Ed.
Downton Band at the New Forest Show ’07
Following much anticipation and word of a one-day respite from the appalling weather, the morning of July 24th was upon us. As is customary, this followed the evening before, which saw the arrival of several intrepid souls availing themselves of the primitive camping facilities at New Park. Due to wall-to-wall free-flowing mud, all vehicles bar one required towing onto the campsite, using a selection of tractors. Eventually, Ant arrived, after making a thorough job of busting the fan in the camper van he had borrowed from a colleague, which caused it to overheat most spectacularly. The Shrewton crew rolled up, as did a van containing Beavis, Big G and the band kit. Tents were pitched in the quagmire, and caravans positioned. Fortunately, Brad and Kate had brought a BBQ with them, otherwise the dining situation would have been dire what with David’s dry roasted peanuts and Big G’s kilderkin of Strongbow being all that was otherwise on offer.
However, I digress.
Given the disappointing weather that had been a feature of the summer so far it was a welcome surprise that the day dawned bright. After a short period of standing around by the marquee waiting for Beavis to arrive in the van with all the gear, we were informed the van was stuck in the mud in the vicinity of the Landrover exhibition. Following some nifty manoeuvring, grunting, pushing and shoving the van crawled through the boggy ground where a highlight had to be Peter Tanner almost getting covered in mud from the spinning tyres. Once set up, it was time to stand down again as the New Forest Plonkers roused the assembled throng with their assorted verse, canticles and ditties, all involving cider it seemed. At 11 am Bandmaster Robinson (standing firm with his baton at the front) started the three day brass marathon with Punchinello, which sounded very impressive indeed but possibly at a volume that might have proved unsustainable, especially with only two cornets on the front row. Percussion was provided by our regular soprano player Mr. Chiverton, who somewhat malevolently spent the rest of the day requesting “One Moment in Time” for Mark Pye, our soprano dep for the first two days. The first break provided an excellent opportunity for a pint and a pie, which was followed by another pint. The second and third sets loomed large, with the aural delights including Gershwin, All That Jazz and the oh-so-lovely Swing Low Fantasy. Following the day’s musical events the band dispersed, mostly in the direction of the beer tent to continue sampling the various ales (until they closed at the convenient time of 6 pm). This was the cue for certain intrepid bandsmen and women to retire to the campsite to continue an evening of cooking the large pieces of mystery meat purchased from the vendors in the food tent. This was combined with general campfire merriment, culminating in the lengthy erection of Martin and Emma’s awning, and also the capturing on film of Dave Shelley partaking in an act of micturition up Brad’s caravan.
Day two followed a similar pattern to day one and it still wasn’t raining. A gentlemen’s agreement with the Plonkers decreed that today the band would play first, and that they did. The audience were treated to some magnificent solo items, such as “Georgia on my mind” featuring our principal cornet Gary, and “I don’t know how to love him” played by Mr. Tony Gee on Flugel, wearing a particularly fetching straw hat. A honking of the Plonker’s horn and general heckling indicated the end of our first set and the onset of their cider shanties. This left the band free to enjoy the many delights the show had to offer, including some terrier racing and a frankly baffling demonstration involving ferrets retrieving toy rabbits from what can only be described as a plastic mound/burrow. The second and third sets were soon upon us, the highlight of which was the Trombone section’s rendition of “Frolic for Trombones” which, despite the wind’s action on music stands making life difficult, was played with panache. At the end of a day which saw many a brass player’s lip hanging low, the Plonkers stood to attention once again, which heralded the end of a fine day of banding. However, our luck with the weather expired at the precise moment of entering the beer tent – things could be worse. A gap in precipitation – concomitant with the closing of the bar – allowed time for the savages to make a lightning dash back to the campsite to heat their meat. The evening generally mirrored the evening before, with the added attraction of Drs. Pearce and Weston providing two boxes of bladder-crippling 7.3% vintage cider – something that the former would greatly regret the next day.
The next morning, clouds loomed heavy in the sky – surely our luck with the weather would last? Mr. Roland Wright, our MD, was able to join us for this, our final day at the show, which allowed Bandmaster Robinson a brief respite to tweak the trombone, much to the dismay of the other trombones (joke – Ed). The band retired to the beer tent following the first set to continue as tradition demands, whereas David took the opportunity for a quick kip in the van. Roland had to leave early to attend his daughter’s graduation in the afternoon so he handed back over to Roger following the second set. There then followed a colossal downpour, just at the moment majority of the band were on a Portaloo break whilst Fred and brass ensemble entertained the audience with the Euphonium solo “Jeannie with the light brown hair”. The weak-bladdered cohort eventually struggled back through the tempest, thoroughly drenched. Oddly enough, ten minutes after the onset of the rain and wind it stopped and was followed by bright sunshine – strange meteorological conditions indeed. The afternoon was rounded off with a particularly fast rendition of “Cheesing down Broadway” and the band got its revenge on Matt, whom now back on soprano, was encouraged by Mr. Jung to play the infamous “One Moment in Time”, something that when he was on percussion earlier in the week he had demanded from his soprano replacement. With the afternoon complete, the van was loaded and Beavis remarkably managed to navigate it away from the band tent with a degree of ease which was sadly absent on day one.
It only remains for the band to thank the multitude of banding friends who helped us out over the three days of the show: Mike Ricketts, Dave Shelley, Richard Taylor, Brad Sturgess, Katie Walker, Andy Mitchenall, Mark Pye, John Collar, Martin Easterbrook, Paul Street, Paul Williams, Mike Dunford, Keith Morgan, Malcolm Torrent and any others I’ve missed – thank you all very much! Here’s to drier New Forest Show in 2008!
Lt. Col. Armitage Shanks (Retd).